


Butters' Totally Not-Gay Love Story

by gabronwrites



Category: South Park
Genre: 7 minutes in heaven, Casual Sex, Explicit Language, Homophobic Language, House Party, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Prostitution, Spin the Bottle, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Prostitution, Underage Smoking, mentions of butters parents, which isnt explicit just mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-22 13:35:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14309793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabronwrites/pseuds/gabronwrites
Summary: Butters is counting down the days till he can leave South Park and he's only got one year of high school left. He wants out. Out of his dad’s house, out of this tiny little town. He wants to go where no one knows him. Start over. Maybe make some friends that actually care about him.When he gets to a party Kenny is throwing over the summer before their senior year, he doesn’t expect much more than hearing loss and a grounding from his parents when he gets home. But he needs to get out of his house for a while, so he goes anyway.





	1. You Broke Butters

**Author's Note:**

> So. This is my first time writing for south park and im not caught up on the show yet so I hope it turned out ok. xD I’m going to mark this fic as unfinished for now, because I am planning on doing more eventually, but i think this first chapter could also work as a (short af) stand alone fic and i'm not really sure when i will get around to doing more (I have so many other fics i really should be working on). 
> 
> Please be sure to heed the warnings. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Edit: So I decided to change a few key details in chapter one so this probably needs a reread if you’ve read chapter one before chapter two was posted. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Butters clings to his water bottle like a lifeline as the heavy base from the too loud music thumps through him. His heart feels like it is firmly lodged in his throat and he is grateful he’d thought to bring his own drink, he knows he would be too anxious to drink anything else on offer in the crowded house party thats spills out of Kenny’s run down house and into the street. 

He watches the crowd thronging and shifting in the too tight space of the living room. Over the thumping of the music erupts boisterous laughter from the kitchen, and over the heads of the crowd and through the arched kitchen entry he can just see Cartman and Kenny standing on the kitchen island. Cartman is pouring a drink directly into Kenny’s mouth. Kenny seems to be having fun, though it is making it hard for him to catch all of Cartman’s additions because his laughter keeps sending the contents of his mouth leaking and spilling over his lips and down his neck.

Butters isn’t really sure how that sort of thing could be fun, but to each their own he supposes. It isn’t his business. Butters is pretty sure this whole… party.. thing in general isn’t really his sort of thing to be honest. It’s too loud, too crowded, and he isn’t interested in drinking. He can make enough of a fool of himself sober, thank you very much. He’ll probably be grounded when his dad finds out he came too, which is just. Great. 

But, it’s the middle of the summer before his senior year, his last summer in South Park, and he had wanted, needed, to get out of the house. Kenny’s family was out of town and… and Kenny had invited him. He feels dumb for caring so much about that, Kenny had invited everyone, but. But Kenny had also made sure to let Butter’s know, for sure, that he specifically was invited. Butters appreciates that.

Butters doesn’t really have any good friends, it’s just a fact, and the way Kenny had checked in with him had made him feel like it mattered if he showed up or not. 

It’s not like everyone hates him, least he is pretty sure it isn’t, and it’s not like he is never invited to things it’s just, he’s pretty aware that he isn’t anyone’s first choice. That doesn’t usually bother him, not anymore, but sometimes he supposes, thinking about the warm feeling Kenny’s personal invitation had given him, sometimes it feels nice to feel like your presence is actually wanted.

When Butters had arrived at the party, on time, it hadn't been so crowded. Kenny had smiled and yelled his name when he saw him. Kenny offered him drinks, which Butters turned down, and confused thanks when Butter’s handed him a present. It was just some sports drinks and snacks he knew Kenny liked, it wasn't a big deal, but he can feel the back of his neck heat up just thinking about the confused look on Kenny and his friends’ faces. He feels dumb for it now, of course this isn't that kind of party, but he’d heard that it was polite to get the host something when going to a party and... he supposes he would have felt worse if he showed up without a present when he was supposed to have one, so, there was that at least. 

Since arriving, Butters had pretty much stuck to the corner he is standing in, feeling overwhelmed by the crowd and the noise. Content to just people watch, nodding a friendly greeting to those that say hi to him as they pass. Kenny had been talking to him for a bit earlier, just about some new game he had gotten recently, but he had had to leave to pull an already pretty drunk Cartman away, rolling his eyes at his friends antics, when Cartman had tried to pressure Butters into trying his “special cocktail”.

From what Butters has seen and smelled in the cups of those unlucky enough to be convinced to try it… Butters is pretty sure it was just tequila and hot sauce, with a salt rim and a lime slice rammed onto the edge of the red disposable cups everyone was drinking from… so like. Butters is extra glad he’d avoided that one. It sounds disgusting.

Kenny is bowing dramatically on the countertop now, having apparently survived whatever drink Cartman had mixed in his mouth. Butters wonders if he’d been paid for that, he knows Kenny has a notoriously strong stomach and will eat pretty much anything for the right price... it isn't too much of a stretch to think that maybe that applies to drinks too.

Butters frowns at his water bottle. That really can't be healthy, he thinks to himself. The music shifts slightly, and he isn't sure if it is the end of the song or the start of one or just some weird middle bit. In fact, he is pretty sure the music had been playing one continuous block of sound since before he got there, and it’s blaring too loud to really be recognizable.

Someone bumps into his side and he turns to apologize only to see Kenny smiling up at him. 

“I swear to god Butters it’s like you’ve grown another foot every time I see you” Kenny says, jabbing Butter’s side with his finger.

Butters shifts uncomfortably, rubbing the spot Kenny had poked him. He’d hit a bit of a growth spurt the summer before starting high school, which had convinced his dad to push him into football even more. Now, he is tall and broad. The years of football practices had helped him bulk up, but never seemed to help him get rid of the embarrassing pudge around his middle. 

It helped for football, being big, but it made Butters feel self conscious and awkward. 

“Y-you just saw me, like an hour ago Kenny” Butters says, trying to make himself speak loud enough to be heard over the music, “I… well I couldn’t have grown that much since then, I just couldn’t have.”

Kenny on the other hand, had stayed small and skinny. Compact. Butters was jealous if he was being honest. 

Kenny leans closer to try to hear Butters better, but when he hears what Butters had said he throws his head back and bursts out laughing. Butters can feel the heat of a blush rising in his cheeks and along the back of his neck again. 

Butters doesn’t get the chance to ask what is so funny though, because Kenny slaps him on the back happily and grabs his arm, pulling a confused Butters through the crowd. 

“C’mon” Kenny shouts over his shoulder to Butters “Me and the guys and some people are gonna play spin the bottle in my room, you should join us.”

S-spin the bottle? Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no, he can’t play that, he thinks. That would definitely get him in trouble. But Kenny’s grip on his arm is surprisingly strong, and Butters can’t seem to be able to speak past the sudden dryness in his throat. 

Next thing he knows, he’s being pushed to take a seat in a circle of other kids forming on the floor of Kenny’s room. He’s seated between two girls he recognizes from school, he realizes. Kenny finds a seat on the opposite side of the circle. 

Stan is standing in the middle of the circle. He’s holding a bottle and probably explaining the rules.

Butters can’t hear him though, over the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears. 

He needs to figure out a way to get out of this, is all he can think.

Done explaining, apparently, Stan goes to his spot next to Kyle. He reaches out, places the bottle in the middle of the circle, and gives it a spin, starting the game. Kyle frowns when the bottle slows to a stop pointing at Millie Larson.

Butters doesn’t really pay attention as Stan makes his way over to Millie and kisses her. Clyde, seated on Stan’s other side goes next, Butters doesn’t know who he spins though. He can't focus on who’s kissing who, his mind is whirling. He has no idea how many turns are left before it gets to his turn, but he has to come up with a way to get out of this by then, he thinks, trying to come up with some idea that won't be rude. 

He can say he isn’t feeling good? That he has a curfew? That he’d gotten a call about an emergency and needed to-

“No, god damn it. Fair’s fair.” Cartman is yelling, and for the first time Butters notices he’s laying on Kenny’s bed, eyes glassy and still clutching his bottle of tequila. He’s watching the game, but clearly not playing it. “You made Bebe and Wendy do it when Bebe spun Wendy-”

Cartman’s arguing with Kyle it seems. Bebe and Wendy kissed? How had he missed that-

“-So it’s only fair that Kenny has to kiss Butters. He. Spun. Him.” Cartman continues. “You must respect the authority of the bottle Kyle. Or else what are we all doing here.”

“What are we- You. You’re just-” Kyle sputters. 

“Dude it’s fine.” Kenny says, standing up on his side of the circle and stretching. “He’s right.”

Cartman slaps his hand down on the bed.

“That’s right. I fucking told you. I’m fucking right.” Cartman gloated at Kyle, before turning his attention to Kenny. “Alright c’mon ken doll lets gay it up in here tonight!”

Kenny rolls his eyes at Cartman’s comment and drops down to his knees in front of Butters. 

What? What’s he going to do? Butters wonders, his brain repeatedly failing to process what had happened or what was being said. Kenny smiles at him, his eyes crinkling at the corners and amusement in his eyes. Butters feels a moment of relief, he can just tell Kenny he needs to go, Kenny won't mind, he thinks.

But then Kenny’s hand is on his cheek, his other arm wrapping around the back of Butter’s neck. Pulling Butters down even as Kenny seems to surge upwards. 

And then Kenny’s lips are on his. 

Kenny’s lips are chapped, but underneath that slight roughness his lips are soft. He moves his mouth against Butters’, and it sends heat to coil and pool in his abdomen. Whatever words of excuse or protest he had been planning to say die in his throat as he drowns in the sensation of Kenny’s lips on his.

Kenny’s lips coax Butters’ mouth open and Kenny uses the opportunity to slide his tongue inside Butters’ mouth. Kenny tastes candy sweet, with a bit of spiciness and a flavor that Butters isn't familiar with. His tongue slides against Butters’ teeth and his tongue, encouraging Butters’ tongue to move too.

Butters groans into the kiss. Hands moving of their own accord to Kenny’s still sticky jaw, and his jacket covered hip, trying to pull him closer. Needing him closer. There’s a moment when he thinks Kenny will come closer. 

But then the kiss ends just as fast as it started. Kenny pulls away, dropping his arms from Butters and smiling at him. Butters feels dazed. And he almost reaches out again to try and pull Kenny back but-

“Dude I think you broke Butters” Stan says, and it's like suddenly Butters remembers that there's a room full of other people there with them. His face feels like it's on fire he is blushing so hard. 

“That’s why I said he should skip Butters and kiss someone else” Kyle says shaking his head. 

“You gotta respect the authority of the bottle, Kyle. It’s the Rules.” Cartman says still laying on Kenny’s bed and drinking what is left of the vodka directly from the bottle.

Kenny moves back to his seat across from Butters, and Butters tries to wrap his head around what just happened while also trying to subtly adjust himself to a more comfortable position.

Kenny winks at him from across the circle.


	2. I'm Not a Fag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I am so sorry but I’ve changed chapter one. If you read it before i posted this chapter I think it might need a reread. If you dont want to reread, I changed things so its the middle of summer before their senior year as well as gave some more physical descriptions and other things. Sorry for causing so much hassle.

As he leans up against the back of Kenny’s house, Butters doesn’t really remember how he had gotten outside, or whether the game of spin the bottle had ended or if he had just left. He just, he needed to get out. The party, had just… gotten to be way too much. So loud it felt like he couldn’t think. So crowded, and he felt like everyone in there knew somehow. What had happened, how it had affected him. It was too warm inside, it felt so stifling, all those bodies.

The night air felt blessedly cool against his skin, even as it burned his lungs. Distantly, he was still vaguely aware of the party and the music thumping behind him, but out here alone in the dim light from the curtained windows, he felt like he could finally breathe again as he looked up at the clear starry sky.

He could just ditch, he thinks. Hop the fence, walk home. His jacket is still inside, he’d taken it off when he’d gotten there, but he could just say he forgot it. He’d probably get in even more trouble when he got home, but it might be worth it.

The back door opens with a clatter, the torn screen door bouncing uselessly against the wall. Kenny steps out, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket, he stops and puts them back when he sees Butters though.

“Hey dude, what’re you doing out here? Aren’t you cold?” He asks, eyeing the t-shirt Butters is wearing. 

“Uh. N-no.” Butters stutters, an uncomfortable blush creeping on to his face again. Of all the people... “Feels nice out here.”

Kenny raises an eyebrow at him but doesn’t push it. Instead, he kicks at the dirt scattered across the cracked cement under them, looking around like he’s not sure what to do with himself.

“You can smoke if you wanna.” Butters says. He doesn’t smoke, and his dad will be pissed at him if he comes home smelling like cigarettes but. “I- I mean it is your house.”

“Nah.” Kenny says easily, even though his hand twitches over the pocket that has his smokes anyway. “That shit’s bad for you, you don’t need to be breathing that.”

“And you do?” 

Kenny chuckles at that, but doesn’t answer the question.

They stand in silence for a while longer, both staring past the empty yard and it’s dead grass and rusty play equipment to the vast array of stars spread out above them. Butters thinks again about leaving, just coming up with some excuse and getting out of there… but. But when he thinks about what happened, what people are no doubt thinking about him, what Kenny must be thinking about him…

No, no he needs to clear things up before he leaves. If he doesn’t… things will be, worse, he’s sure of it.

“I.. I’m not-” His voice cracks and he winces. “I’m not a fag. I’m not.”

His hands are clenched at his sides, and he’s embarrassed to note that he might be shaking. He doesn’t want to look at Kenny, but he can feel his eyes on him. His chest feels tight, and his eyes are stinging. 

“Okay.” Kenny says, and his voice is a careful sort of calm, like he’s worried if he says the wrong thing it’ll set Butters off or something. It makes Butters stomach turn. He wants to apologize. “That’s... that’s fine.”

“I… Butters... I’m a good kisser.” Kenny continues. “Whatever response you may have had to kissing me... it doesn’t gotta mean anything.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time a straight guy got turned on by me,” Kenny continues, then in a joking tone “I’m just gifted I guess.” 

Butters is ashamed to feel some tears, feeling hot against his chilled skin, slide down his cheeks. He turns even more away from Kenny, hoping he won't see. They’re both quiet for a moment.

“Seriously dude, I… I wouldn’t have done it if i'd known it was gonna upset you like this…” Kenny says, sounding genuine. “It was just meant to be a bit of fun… I shoulda checked in with you first.”

They lapse into silence again. Butters doesn’t trust himself to speak yet, and Kenny fiddles with the box of cigarettes in his pocket.

“How many guys have you kissed?” Butters asks eventually. It's not what he really wants to say, but it's what comes out.

“Huh?” Kenny says, confused by Butters’ sudden question.

“Well, you said… that, like. You’ve kissed straight guys before…” Butters says, wishing he could just go back a few minutes and stop himself from asking the dumb question.

Kenny snorts and bursts out laughing, it makes Butters happy even though he’s embarrassed for saying something dumb. It feels like the sound relieves some of the ache in Butters’ chest.

“Oh I’ve kissed loads of guys,” Kenny says once he’s finally stopped laughing long enough to speak. “I’m a very experienced lover.”

Butters chances a glance at Kenny and sees he’s wearing a faux haughty expression to match the joking tone of the last sentence. He’s not sure if Kenny is lying for the sake of a joke or if he’s just trying to make light of what Butters considers a rather serious revelation, but Butters finds this whole conversation confusing either way.

“So…” he says, deciding to just trust in sincerity first despite the many times that has backfired on him in the past, “you’re… you’re… um… g-gay?”

“Would it be a problem if I was?” Kenny asks, voice quieter… more serious.

It takes Butters a while to respond. He knows what he probably should say. It should be a problem. Butters should be angry right now. But he can see that little bit of tension in the way that Kenny is watching him, like consciously or otherwise at least some part of Kenny is aware of the dangerous possibilities of this being the problem that it should be. He hates it.

“N-no.” He says, stumbling over the word. “No.” He adds more firmly.

Kenny smiles at him, but Butters doesn't miss the relief that flits across his face briefly.

“Well,” Kenny says “I’m not gay. But I’m not straight either.”

Butters doesn’t really understand. His confusion must show, because Kenny explains more.

“I like guys, i like girls” Kenny shrugs. “I like people, and I like making people feel good. What their gender is, or what's in their pants or whatever… doesn't really matter to me.”

Butters still doesn't get it, but he nods anyway, sure they could stay out here talking about it all night and he still wouldn't get it.

They lapse into silence, until a thought occurs to Butters.

“Do the guys know? That… that you.. Um. Like guys?” Butters asks impulsively.

“I mean, it’d be kind of hard for them to have missed at this point.” Kenny says with a shrug. “I can get.. a little… flirty? When i’ve been drinking…”

Butters is pretty sure flirty isn't the first word that had come to Kenny’s mind, but he’s not sure what else he could have meant.

“A-and… they’re… they’re okay? With that?” Butters asks, not willing to examine why this question matters so much to him.

“I mean. Yeah, mostly.” Kenny says with a shrug. “It makes Stan uncomfortable sometimes, and Cartman still rips on me for it… but I mean he’s Cartman that’s kinda just what he does.”

Butters nods. He’s not really sure how else to respond, his head feels incredibly full and unbearably empty all at the same time.

They lapse again into silence until, rubbing his hands together and blowing on them for warmth Kenny asks him if he is ready to go back inside.

Butters weighs his options but shakes his head.

“Nah,” he says “um, I think I should probably get going. My dad’s going to be pissed at me and…”

He looks back to the house where he can still hear the party, not sure if there even is a way to put his reluctance to go back in there.

“And parties aren’t really your thing.” Kenny finishes for him. Butters nods. 

“Want me to grab your jacket?” Kenny asks, and Butters is incredibly grateful. He’d have never asked, but he can't go back in there and he hadn’t been looking forward to having even more for his dad to yell at him over.

“That would be, so helpful.” Butters says “Thank you.”

“No prob,” Kenny says waving his hand like he’s shooing away Butters’ gratitude. “Be back in a sec.”

Kenny disappears through the back door and into the house again. Butters absentmindedly pulls at the hem of his t-shirt, he feels like he’s getting a headache and he hopes his dad is asleep already so that the yelling can wait until tomorrow instead.

All he wants to do right now is be alone in his quiet dark room, to have time to process all that has happened tonight.

The back door clatters open again, and Kenny emerges carrying Butters’ jacket. 

“Thank you” he says again when Kenny hands him the jacket. Kenny does the waving motion again as if to say his thanks isn't necessary.

“C’mon,” Kenny says, starting to walk towards the back fence. “I’ll show you how to work the gate.”

Butters shrugs on his jacket and follows, watching as Kenny fishes a string out from between two slats of wood and pulls. The string pulls a latch on the other side of the fence open, Butters is pretty sure he could have just reached over the fence and done it, but Kenny would have had to climb if it weren't for the string. Kenny pushes on the fence and a section swings open on creaky hinges.

“Dad installed the gate the wrong way.” Kenny says with a shrug. “Latch was supposed to be on this side but now he’s too lazy to fix it.”

Butters doesn't know how to respond to that so he just nods. He steps through the gate, and turns to try to thank Kenny again.

“Hey Butters,” Kenny says, beating him to speaking. Kenny pauses and frowns up at him. “Actually, I know it’s a long trip but can you come down here a moment so I can tell you something?” 

Confused, his brows scrunching together, Butters leans down so he’s nearly level with Kenny. 

“Butters,” Kenny whispers conspiratorially. Butters realizes he’s holding his breath in anticipation.

“Try not to worry so much.” Kenny says and Butters blinks at him. Kenny pokes the wrinkled skin between Butters’ brows, then pats his cheek with a laugh. “You’ll get wrinkles.” 

And with that, Kenny is backing away from him, waving goodbye and moving to shut the gate. He’s almost got it shut when he stops again. 

“And Butters?” Kenny says and Butters isn’t sure what to expect this time. 

“Thanks for coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah and thats chapter two, sorry again for changing chapter one. Things should be relatively stable from here (hopefully).
> 
> As always comments/kudos/messages etc appreciated~

**Author's Note:**

> Welp. That’s the start of things. Please let me know what you think. Comments / kudos / shares appreciated <3 <3
> 
> Edit: Sorry for changing things, i just decided this is going to work a bit better. I know it's a hassle orz


End file.
